but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
