It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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