I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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