I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
