i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
