i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
