I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
