Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
