he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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