Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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