ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
