Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
