I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
