Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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