I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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