We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
