i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
