Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
