I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
