Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
