i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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