I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
