Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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