I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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