How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize