I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
