weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
