So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
