how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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