Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize