youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
