shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
