yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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