I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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