5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
