Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize