How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
