the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
