so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
