Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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