I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
