I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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