Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
