Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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