no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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