So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
