There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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