last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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