Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
