i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
