As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
