i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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