he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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