Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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