Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize