I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
