So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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