i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
