have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
