He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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