remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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