Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
