Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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