So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
