Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's the barista slut.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
