Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
