PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Holy sore nipples Batman
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
