Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
