Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
