I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
